I wanted to share my first steps getting out of bed and moving after 5+ hours in surgery on my spine. It’s been so wild to think this happened. I am not sure of what long term suffering I will have as I have a few current issues. I’m blessed to be able to walk. But on the other hand I think how this one moment will and has changed my entire life. The amount of care I need. The chronic pain. The limited future I’ll have modeling and so on. It feels so unfair. I’m on medication just to be able to keep my anxiety levels normal because it’s also so much in the media that I have had no time to process this myself. I also want to say that even though I am feeling shattered know how strong I am and how I will over come this. I believe in the love I have for my body and the power I give my brain to use to fix these issues. If your like me feeling blue or immobile I empathize with you and send so much love and healing your way. To my fans who show non stop love and support Thank you. It pushes my to try harder. I am blessed to have amazing doctors and I will never forget how blessed I am to walk!

Goodmorning here’s what I’m up to today!!!!

I think I’ll keep you in this body! #brideofchucky #jennifertilly

I’m making my return to @twitch tomorrow at 12:30pm pst and getting scummy with @edenneville at 1:30pm pst @scumgameofficial seriously I’m so excited to get back to steaming and hanging with you guys!! I’m even more excited for the crazy of this game! We have some wild things in store! See you on #twitch

“I’m going to forgive you because I’m a very Zen person. And I’m on a lot of pain medication right now.” – Regina George this quote fits so well. I’m healing well, I’m in a lot of pain but have been blessed with amazing doctors, pto therapists, and even a therapist. They all coordinated a way for me to safely go to @fitness_nala Halloween’s party. I was blessed with security to help keep space and hold me up. After my dog passing, a few other things ,and breaking my back getting out of the same clothes and making light of a painful serious situation was actually what I needed. I can’t change, shower or do things on my own yet but the stories you, as friends have shared with me give me strength! The love and hope fuel me. I will have bad days. I’ll cry ALOT! I’ll even be mean due to the pain but I promise myself I will learn to manage my emotions. I promise myself just as Regina George was able to play sports I will achieve my goals. I’ll push through this for my love of life. ❤️ #ReginaGeorge #meangirls #halloween also @dynacade definitely ran me over.. only because Cady Heron did push me…. 🤣

What I would give to use an escalator and be able to hold my own body weight up. Some days I’m finding it extremely hard and I do cry a lot at night because that’s when the pain gets so exhausting that I have to cry but it makes me feel better and overall I am doing so well. I have so much hope for myself, and I’m so thankful I am able to walk and tomorrow is my first PTO session, so send me all the love because I am scared as hell of what they’re going to make me do. but I will be running soon and I will also be at Signing at #avnexpo so all of you will get to celebrate in my journey and share yours with me!! Excited to me you all. Thank you so much for your support!

I got a sponge bath today and my hair washed. Not being able to move or do anything for myself is so difficult. I’m so thankful to the nursing staff. I never thought I would ever be immobile. These next few days are going to be extremely hard. Yesterday I sat up and then spent the rest of my day in hysterics and pain. The realization of how much pain you have to push through set in. Please pray that I’ll find strength to stand today. I’m gonna take it one day at a time and if I’m not rdy then I’m not rdy. But I’d love any encouragement or reading material to aid me on my journey. Thankyou to everyone who’s rooting for me!

It’s Spooky Season…. Find me in the cornfield….

I never knew grief until you were taken so abruptly from me. I wish I could have saved you as you had done for me. You were my first best friend. I am so blessed to have had you in my life. I will never forget you and never stop wishing you were still here. I’ll see you chasing every squirrel. Dirtying every clean pile of my clothes. Seeing you in ever beach day. Pork and I will never be the same. Our little family was better because we got to adore you. Thank you GOD DOGGIE for ruling my universe and teaching me so much kindness and love. I love you. I miss you.